How many people do you think actually ask themselves what sex means to them? I don’t think a great number of people do and as a result, unhealthy sexual views, habits, judgments and overall negative attitude, comes into play.
Now as South Africans, we can be extremely conservative as a nation. However sex and sexuality plays such a big role in our social standards of living that is important for one to have it defined, especially from a personal viewpoint.
When I look at the concept of “sex”, I think of it in its most literal sense of the word. My actual sex, that I am by biological specifications; female and furthermore a woman (one of my best attributes). Then of course as the sexual activity. I will break down the 2 parts and give an intimate view from my perspective of what sex means to me, in order to gain better understanding of what exactly one can expect in our future conversations.
Besides my physical attributes of possessing a vagina and breasts (As non existent as they are), is it purely the physical that makes me a woman? Women for centuries have always been compared and defined in relation to men in order to gain some insight and understanding of what it means to be a woman. But with the new age generation of today which is seen as one of the most independent thinking in history, it’s safe to say that the definition is steering away from the restricting and limiting way it was previously viewed as.
Personally, I believe being a woman means to posses power. Power to be who you want to be in an ever changing environment. There can’t be one definition of what it means to be a woman because our life’s experiences are different and we are not all affected by life encounters in the same way. However based on a woman’s ability to acclimatize to any environment and situation, this what makes her woman and gives her the actual position of power.
This in turn results in me being free to do so. To posses the power to exercise my ability that comes with being a woman. Changing and adapting accordingly but by choice. Liberation is very important in what it means to be a woman for me as it is something that many women have not been given the freedom to have in the past.
When it comes to liberation, I am at a stage in my life where the most “free” I feel, is when I’m having sex and to some extent being sexually in tune with myself. The freedom to partake in sexual activities with whom ever I choose, is exhilarating. Unfortunately the connotations associated with sexually liberated women is extremely negative. The aim is to be able for ALL to do so. To be able to be sexually liberated without discrimination or or being labeled. And in order for that to happen, one needs to be somewhat educated with regards to all aspects of sex (I guess that’s where I come in so look no further). This is something I had to discover for myself through different experiences and wanting to understand myself better and the changes my body and mind were going through. I was and still am, continuously learning.
I wasn’t always the sexually liberated being that I am now. Before I actually had sex, I considered it something that only “adults” did. In high school there were no girls blatant about their sex lives and therefore the assumption was that it wasn’t done amongst my age mates. If anything, I was scared of dick. I knew its function and the power associated and I especially hated its look. It was something I tried by all means to avoid. I then eventually had sex and then considered it amazing, and I started to appreciate and embrace the male anatomy but only within the confines of a relationship. I couldn’t even fathom being with anyone other than my boyfriend who I was with at the time. During a 6 month break I randomly learnt how to have sex without any feelings attached whatsoever. I didn’t expect a call or message in the morning, I didn’t even feel the need to have another encounter. Slutty as one would call it. But there are plenty of things a woman may or may not do (even outside of actually having sex) and still be considered a “whore”.
I consider myself to be one of the most naturally risqué, daring individuals when it comes to the clothes I may or may not wear and the extent to which I choose to expose myself. This was heightened in being able to be pleasured and to have no baggage attached. I call myself the “nude queen” because I have not only mastered the art in showing just enough, without being considered “trashy”, but I have also mustered up the courage to show the world these nudes regardless of the potential slander and hate I may get from certain individuals. And this all stemmed from a new found sexual independence.
Now it may not be the way it works for everyone, but a certain kind of sex freed me and continues to do so. I view sex as an escape. Sex means to be able to break free. It’s a shame it’s still used as a tool to negatively effect some. But that’s a story for another day.
What does sex mean to you?
How does sex make you feel? Both inside and out?
Do you have a healthy relationship with sex?